What happens when you glue your hand to someone’s back? You get stuck. Anywhere they go, you must go too. If they run to the left, you must also run to the left. If they crawl to the right, you must go there also. If they jump up and down one hundred times, you must do the same. You surrender your freedom and are instead controlled by what that person does… you become a slave to them.
This is a blog about forgiveness.
When somebody hurts us and we refuse to forgive them, we often believe we are holding that person captive. We think they don’t deserve our forgiveness. We believe the pain they must feel from our cold shoulders or hostility serves them right… that they should reap what they sewed. But think of all the times a person doesn’t even know of your anger… how much does it really affect them? When you have yet to forgive someone ten years after their offense, do you think he spends every day longing for your love, or instead living his life because he has moved past it? While the other person may not be aware of or affected by your unforgiveness, you certainly are. Because in each moment you could forgive them and choose not to, you are choosing instead to remain tied to the past and to allow hatred to fill a space in your heart that could be filled with love. The reality is that unforgiveness doesn’t hold the other person captive—it imprisons you. Because unforgiveness is the glue that attaches you to that person and makes you their slave. When you forgive someone, you’re not only releasing that person but also setting yourself free… because in that moment, the glue comes off.
Forgiveness does not mean you should ignore what a person did, that it isn’t important, or that it was okay. You’re not validating their wrong; you’re simply choosing to no longer hold it against them. Growing up, I was taught to “forgive and forget.” However, I don’t think we’re meant to truly forget. We don’t need to pretend something never happened in order to truly forgive that person. It is by remembering that we overcame deep hurt that we are able to see and share incredible examples of grace. I think it should instead be “forgive and release”… because it’s the releasing that completes the forgiveness and brings us freedom as well. Think of yourself as having a little fish hook and God as having a bigger one. When you choose to forgive, you’re letting the person off your hook and trusting that God will do the hooking as needed. God understands justice, and He understands grace, and He is the greatest master of forgiveness the world will ever know. Trust Him to carry what He has offered to carry so that you can trade your burdens for freedom.
It’s important to realize that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Forgiving someone may not erase the hurt that you feel from whatever they did. Deep wounds take time to heal, even after we forgive. But the process of healing can only truly begin when we are freed from the entrapment unforgiveness creates. Because when the glue renders you a slave, you cannot choose to walk in the direction of healing.
So I encourage you to think about the people you need to forgive and to recognize the ways unforgiveness is enslaving you. Then choose to let love win; choose to set yourself free.
